Nuances of Consensual Non-Consent (CNC) in Kink Culture
Dive into the complex world of consensual non-consent (CNC), a concept in kink culture that involves the fetishization of a potential violation of consent. Explore different perspectives, meanings, manifestations, and safety considerations related to CNC.
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Presentation Transcript
CONSENSUAL NON CONSENSUAL NON- - CONSENT CONSENT A CLASS BY ANCILLA OF ANCILLARY KINK SUPPORT
DEFINING CNC DEFINING CNC You cannot give CNC an ACT-BASED definition, because CNC is an ideological condition. It is the fetishisation of a (consensual and potential) violation of consent. CNC is a subversion of how we understand CONSENT. Within SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual), there are several edge-play based subversions of the concepts of safety, sanity and CNC (in particular) is a subversion of consent. That does not make it NON-CONSENSUAL.
Reframing Consent: Reframing Consent: Consenting to an act taking place in this moment, the kind of consent you d fetishize having violated. Proximal Consent Over- The kind of consent you would freely and with complete information grant to the goal of having proximal consent violated. Arching/Blanket Consent
What does wanting CNC mean exactly? What does wanting CNC mean exactly? To Be Unable To Say or Be Heeded When You Say NO. The Inability To Opt Out. To Have To Continue To Endure Past Your Ability/Desire To Do So. The Experience of Being Forced. To Have No influence On Joint-Discussions That Impact The Current Moment. To Be Unable To Call Time of Death and/or NO SAFEWORD
A Word On Safe A Word On Safe- -Words Words CNC WITH A SAFEWORD CNC WITHOUT A SAFEWORD. How does this work? How is this safe?
The Manifestation of CNC The Manifestation of CNC What is going to happen? Nondescript Elements Non- Desirable Elements I don t want what is about to happen. Triggering or Traumatic Elements I don t like what is happenin
I dont know if I like/want this Conflicting Elements Long- Lasting Elements When does this end?
Evaluating YOUR Manifestation Evaluating YOUR Manifestation Identifying your manifestation. Finding the root of the association. Investigating WHY this specific form is desirable. Evaluating yourself for associated risk factors. Understanding your desired goal-state.
Accepting CNC for What It is. Accepting CNC for What It is. CNC is and will always be edge-play. CNC is not a fun, badass thing to do for clout, intensity can be achieved through many, many means. CNC will never, ever be safe. No amount of intellectualisation will make the explicit conditions of such play palatable, if you are unable to handle that ethically, you wont be able to morph it into a sanitised version that you can.
CNC will have emotional, physical and mental impact beyond the sane and safe. It s not a matter of you can get hurt, if you do it right, you will get hurt, so do you know if you can really handle it? The assessment of whether you can handle it should not be made based on whether you will be able to mitigate all harm, but based on whether you will be able to handle/desire a degree of harm.
The Structure of CNC The Structure of CNC Not just now! Now! Scene- Based CNC Dynamic- Based CNC - Time-based - Act-Contingent -Action-based - Play-based - Ongoing
Scene Scene- -Based CNC Based CNC The elements of scene-based CNC: -Active (apparent) violation of consent. -Pushing of limits. -Circumvention of choices. -Intensity of emotion.
Dynamic Dynamic- -Based CNC Based CNC As A Central Condition. As An Aid. How does CNC Apply to your Relationship? As A Transient State. As A Guiding Principle.
Elements of Dynamic Elements of Dynamic- -Based CNC Based CNC The pushing of boundaries. The circumvention of will. Development of conditioned responses. Suppression of reflexes. A lack of fairness/reasonable expectations. The underlying condition.
Negotiating For CNC Negotiating For CNC What are you negotiating for? - To enable transgression. - To circumvent the non-reliability of in-scene communication. - To enable states that arouse you in moments when they may not. - To be able to tell desired-transgression apart from a breach.
Step 1: Negotiating With Yourself Step 1: Negotiating With Yourself What do I want from this encounter? - Physical manifestation. - Emotional evocation. What are the hurdles to the achievement of this state? Additional factors to evaluate/consider: - You risk assessment: Method and conclusion. - Your signatures and associations. - Your trauma responses.
Step 2: Studying One Another For Data Step 2: Studying One Another For Data Factors to consider: - Reconcile your systems of data collection, your understanding of terminology and your goals. - Postulate as many what if scenarios as possible. - Get a sense of how they would respond to errors. - ALWAYS investigate the why.
Deconstructing The WHY of CNC Deconstructing The WHY of CNC -Personal Desire -Personal Associations -Understanding of Intensity -Trauma-Association -Influence of the socio-sexual script -Experience Curation
Step 3: Reconciling Your Processes To A Joint Step 3: Reconciling Your Processes To A Joint- - Goal. Goal. Things to watch out for: - A top who won t budge from their original desire. - A bottom who is unclear about what they hope to achieve and why, resulting in do whatever you want communication. - Any party who assumes their role during negotiation. - Any party who intends to or shows the desire to exploit loopholes. - Any party who argues away your reservations.
Communication For CNC Communication For CNC Communication Within Your Roles - Revelation - Emotional Expression - Role Reinforcement Communication Outside Your Roles - Conflict Resolution - Redressal - Renegotiation - Feedback and Debriefing
Handling Mistakes Handling Mistakes Including the potential for mistakes into your risk assessment. Defensive Responses versus Concerned Responses Contingency Planning Fleshing out the specific nature of mistakes Assessing to ensure a mistakes happen attitude is not the guiding principle but an actively avoided state. Good faith play. Evidence of reformed practises.
Distinguishing CNC From Abuse Distinguishing CNC From Abuse So, you have given up your right to say no, but how do they react when you do say it? I may surrender the right to say no but I didn't surrender the right to say all the other words. You will not be able to successfully negotiate every single possible outcome but you can negotiate what you will do if an unforeseen possibility presents itself.
The rigid and pedantic adherence to the conditions of the construct, who is it for? What do you get out of it and what do you want from it? Were there any hidden conditions to this dynamic? What was the power equation between you at the time of negotiation? So are you doing something new? Will it kill you to be more careful?
Every mistake is not abuse, but every failure to address it, is. Are they using your dynamic as a justification for their bad behaviour? What you do versus who you are, which one do they want control over? Are you scared of the person or what they are going to do to you? It's not so much "but did you say something about how you were feeling" as it is "why couldn't you say something about what you were feeling?"
