Recognizing Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS STI REVIEW & PREVENTING SEXUAL VIOLENCE

ACTIVITY 1 Determine what type of relationship each scenario is as a class. - Healthy, Unhealthy, Abusive or Unhealthy and Abusive?

JESSI AND BLAIR HAVE BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP FOR 2 MONTHS. JESSI WANTS TO GO OUT WITH HER FRIENDS. BLAIR IS NOT EXCITED ABOUT THIS. HE SUGGESTS THAT SHE DOESN T NEED TIME WITH HER FRIENDS, AND THAT HE WOULD LIKE ADDITIONAL TIME WITH HER. THE COUPLE SITS DOWN AND DISCUSSES THE TOPIC. AFTER THE TALK, BLAIR DECIDES TO MAKE PLANS WITH HIS FRIENDS, AND THE COUPLE WILL MEET BACK UP LATER THAT EVENING. JESSI AND BLAIR BOTH HAD A GREAT TIME AND ENJOYED THE COMPANY WITH THEIR FRIENDS. THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF A: HEALTHY

DEBRA AND JASON HAVE BEEN DATING FOR 4 YEARS. JASON DOESN T LIKE DEBRA BEING FRIENDS WITH OTHER GUYS, BUT JASON GOES AND HANGS OUT ALONE WITH ANOTHER GIRL NAMED SALLY AND TURNS HIS LOCATION OFF. THEN CLAIMS THEY WERE JUST DOING HOMEWORK. WHEN DEBRA TRIES TO TALK TO JASON ABOUT IT, HE DENIES EVER DOING ANY INTIMATE THINGS WITH SALLY. JASON SAYS WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH IT S NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL? WHICH LEADS DEBRA TO BE MORE SUSPICIOUS ABOUT JASON. DEBRA AND JASON HAVE BEEN LIKE THIS ALL 4 YEARS BUT DEBRA IS TOO SCARED TO LEAVE HIM BECAUSE THEY HAVE BEEN DATING FOR SO LONG. THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP. UNHEALTHY

Gabriel and Theresa have been married for 15 years, they were high school sweethearts. They have 2 kids, Sophia (9 years old) and Michael (4 years old). Gabriel and Theresa get in arguments all the time about the littlest things. Gabriel sometimes gets really upset and pushes her or slaps her across the face to put her in her place . This has been going on for years, but Theresa doesn t want her kids to grow up in separate homes so she stays with him. She has considered marriage counseling with him but every time she brings it up he says they don t need it and he hits her. Sometimes Theresa gets scared to leave the house without her kids because she is worried about him doing things to her children. Whenever Theresa does leave the house she has to cover up the scratches and bruises he has left behind. Theresa feels like she is stuck and can t get out. ABUSIVE

STI SEGWAY SCENARIO JOSEPH AND PENELOPE HAVE BEEN DATING FOR 3 MONTHS, PENELOPE FELT LIKE JOSEPH WAS IGNORING HER SO SHE WENT OVER TO ANDREWS HOUSE (JOSEPHS BEST FRIEND) AND PERFORMED SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WITH HIM TO MAKE HERSELF FEEL WANTED. ANDREW TOLD JOSEPH ABOUT THE ACTIONS, ANDREW ALSO ADMITTED THAT HE HAS AN STI AND THAT IT IS VERY LIKELY THAT NOW PENELOPE HAS IT. JOSEPH CONFRONTED HER ABOUT IT AND TRIED TO TALK ABOUT IT BUT SHE IMMEDIATELY TURNED IT AROUND ON JOSEPH AND SAID THAT IF YOU WOULD HAVE JUST SHOWN ME AFFECTION THEN IT WOULDN T HAVE HAPPENED THIS ARGUMENT LASTS FOR HOURS AND PENELOPE IS FED UP WITH IT, SO SHE DECIDES TO THROW A WINE BOTTLE AT HIM. JOSEPH GETS HIT PRETTY HARD AND HE RUNS OUT OF THE HOUSE AND NEVER RETURNS. UNHEALTHY - ABUSIVE

WHAT DOES A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP LOOK LIKE? Trust Open communication Honesty Willing to compromise Understanding of values and differences Respect boundaries Know each other's love language Attends family functions Can you think of any others?

WHAT DOES AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP LOOK LIKE? Controlling Lack of communication No compromise Lies Tries to hide things/secrets Manipulation Lack of boundary respect Does not accept differences Limits your access to others Unwilling to attend family functions Can you think of any others?

HOW DO WE DEFINE VIOLENCE WITHIN DATING RELATIONSHIPS? ? Emotional Abuse- This means harming the victim s self esteem Teasing Threats Name Calling Isolation

HOW OFTEN IS ABUSE HAPPENING IN RELATIONSHIPS? https://www.rainn.org/statistics

WHAT IS THE CAUSE OF ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS? ? Individuals choosing to abuse - TRUST issues ? Societal expectations for males and females ? Power and Control issues

HOW CAN YOU TELL AN ABUSER FROM A NON-ABUSER? It s Not Easy!!

WHAT ARE SOME WARNING SIGNS OF ABUSE?

WARNING SIGNS ? ABUSER Excessively Jealous Tells partner what to do/not do Checks up on their partner often Has an explosive temper Blames others for their own feelings/problems ? VICTIM Depressed or Withdrawn Afraid of Screwing Up Makes excuses for the abusive behavior Repeated Physical Injuries and Bruises Fearful and Afraid of ending the relationship

WHAT ARE SOME THINGS TO DO TO STAY OUT OF DANGER IN DATING RELATIONSHIPS? Recognize the warning signs Know what services are available in the area Learn as much as possible about dating abuse Tell someone about the potential danger Safety Plan Keep contacts for emergency services available Plan who can help if there s danger

WHAT CAN FRIENDS DO TO HELP EACH OTHER? ? Speak to them in private ? Listen first to what they have to say ? Let your friend know why you are concerned: Be specific. Refer to incidents you have personally witnessed instead of what you have heard from others. ? Offer to get your friend information. ? Mention other people your friend might talk to - a counselor, a teacher, or another adult they trust. ? Let them know you are available to talk more if they need.

WHO CAN HELP IF THERE ARE WARNING SIGNS IN A RELATIONSHIP?? ? Friends ? Teachers ? School Counselors ? Coaches ? Family ? A Boss ? Parents ? Friends Parents ? Youth Group Leader