The Dynamics of Power in Relationships
The dynamics of power in relationships govern interpersonal interactions and communication, with nuances in power exchange and social influences explored within various relationship structures. Components such as roles, relationship types, and spheres of control are crucial aspects to consider.
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Presentation Transcript
WHAT IS A DYNAMIC? A DYNAMIC IS THE ESTABLISHED STRUCTURE, PARTICULARLY IN TERMS OF POWER, WITHIN A RELATIONSHIP THAT GOVERNS THE INTERPERSONAL INTERPLAY, COMMUNICATION AND NATURE OF INTERACTION BETWEEN THE PARTIES IN A RELATIONSHIP. A DYNAMIC IS TO A RELATIONSHIP WHAT GRAMMAR IS TO LANGUAGE.
SOME IMPORTANT TRAITS - THE SPECIFIC NATURE OF POWER-EXCHANGE IS DEPENDENT UPON THE INDIVIDUAL RELATIONSHIPS IN PLAY BUT IN GENERAL, IF THE SUBMISSIVE PARTY OFFERS CONTROL OVER THEMSELVES, THE DOMINANT PARTY OFFERS RESPONSIBILITY FOR THAT CONTROL AND THE DUTY TO RESPONSIBLY UPHOLD IT. - SOMETIMES THE TERMS AUTHORITY TRANSFER OR POWER TRANSFER MAY BE USED TO DESCRIBE A MORE SPECIFIC BRAND OF THE SAME TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP. - THE SCOPE OF THE TERM IS VAST, THERE ARE MANY TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS THAT FALL WITHIN IT. - THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SOCIO-POLITICAL POWER DYNAMICS APPLYING TO RELATIONSHIPS AND AN EXPLICIT, WILLING AGREEMENT THAT CHOOSES ITS OWN STRUCTURES OF CONTROL, AND POWER-EXCHANGE REFERS TO THE LATTER.
UNDERSTANDING THE INFLUENCE OF SOCIAL POWER- DYNAMICS. - YOU CANNOT GIVE UP POWER YOU DIDN T HAVE. IF AS AN INDIVIDUAL, OUTSIDE OF POWER- EXCHANGE, YOU CANNOT MAKE (BY YOURSELF) THE DECISION TO GO TO THE CLUB WITH YOUR FRIENDS OR NOT DO THE DISHES, YOU RE NOT ACTUALLY GIVING UP ANY CONTROL WITHIN THE POWER-EXCHANGE BECAUSE YOU NEVER HAD IT. THIS DOESN T NECESSARILY MEAN AN INDIVIDUAL USURPED THAT POWER, SOMETIMES SOCIAL FORCES DO THAT TO US AND IT TAKES A WHILE BEFORE WE EVEN REALISE IT. - IF, AS THE TOP, YOU DRAW YOUR AUTHORITY FROM THE POWER EXTENDED TO YOU BY PRIVILEGE OR SOCIETY ALONE, THEN THE FACT THAT SOMEONE YIELDED POWER TO YOU HAS NO MEANING BECAUSE YOU ALREADY ASSUMED YOU HAD THAT POWER (OVER ALL THE PEOPLE YOU THINK FALL INTO THAT DEMOGRAPHIC).
YOU ARE JOINTLY DESIGNING AND BUILDING A DYNAMIC. IT PLAYS OUT IN TWO SPHERES: -THE PARTIES AS THE ARCHITECTS OF THE DYNAMIC. -THE PARTIES AS THE ADHERENTS OF THE DYNAMIC.
COMPONENTS OF A DYNAMIC THE NATURE OF ROLES AND RELATIONSHIP STRUCTURE THE NATURE OF ROLES AND RELATIONSHIP STRUCTURE -PARENTAL CONTROL -HIERARCHICAL CONTROL -OWNERSHIP-BASED CONTROL -GUIDANCE BASED CONTROL SYSTEMS OF ADDRESSAL SYSTEMS OF ADDRESSAL -WHAT ARE YOU BUILDING INTO AN HONORIFIC? -WHAT DOES IT SIGNIFY TO YOU?
SPHERES OF CONTROL -ARE YOU VIEWING YOUR DYNAMIC AS A SEXUAL/NON-SEXUAL BINARY? -WHAT DOES BEDROOM ONLY SIGNIFY? -SPHERES: PERSONAL, PROFESSIONAL, HEALTH, SEXUAL, SOCIAL, FINANCIAL, POLITICAL, PARENTAL. SCOPE OF CONTROL -WHAT IS THE EXTENT OF CONTROL WITH WHICH YOU ARE COMFORTABLE? -HOW DO YOU MANIFEST IT? IE: IF YOU WISH TO EXERT FINANCIAL CONTROL, HOW DO YOU BUILD A SYSTEM TO DEMONSTRATE AND ENFORCE THAT EXERTION?
RULES AND PROTOCOLS HOW DO RULES AND PROTOCOLS DIFFER? SOME TIPS FOR THE DEVELOPMENT AND ADHERENCE TO RULES: -SETTING FIRM, UNCHANGEABLE RULES RIGHT OFF THE BAT WILL BITE YOU IN THE ASS. START WITH ONE. - TEST RULES FIRST AND DISCARD THEM IF THEY DON T WORK, DON T BECOME SO EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED TO ADHERENCE. - FACTOR LIFE AND THE CONSTRAINTS OF THE BOTTOM INTO THEIR ABILITY TO FOLLOW RULES, IF YOU MAKE IT TOO TEDIOUS, IT IS VERY UNLIKELY TO LAST FOR VERY LONG, BURNOUT IS VERY REAL. - INDULGE IN ESTABLISHING PROTOCOLS, LET THE RULES EMERGE FROM THERE. - INSTITUTE AND CODIFY RULES THAT ARE ALREADY BEING FOLLOWED, FIRST. - AS THE TOP, BE INVOLVED, DON T JUST DICTATE RULES AND DISAPPEAR ON THE FOLLOW THROUGH. SET UP SYSTEMS OF ACCOUNTABILITY AND ADDRESSAL THAT ARE ENFORCEABLE AND PRACTICAL.
NATURE OF COMMUNICATION -STYLE OF ADDRESSAL. -FEEDBACK SYSTEMS. -USE OF SAFEWORDSAND FOLLOW-UP. -IN-SCENE COMMUNICATION. ENFORCEMENT AND ACCOUNTABILITY MECHANISMS -WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A RULE IS NOT FOLLOWED? -HOW IS FLOUTING AN ESTABLISHED AUTHORITY HANDLED? -IS PUNISHMENT A PART OF YOUR DYNAMIC OR NOT?
EXPRESSION OF CONTROL -SERVICE -BEHAVIOURAL CONTROL: TONE, POSTURE, SPEECH, SELF ETC. -PLAY-BASED EXPRESSIONS -EARNING/PRESENTING A COLLAR -BODY-BASED CONTROL OR SEXUAL CONTROL REDRESSAL AND REFORM MECHANISMS -HOW DO YOU EVALUATE YOUR DYNAMIC FOR CHANGES? -DO YOU HAVE A SYSTEM TO DISCUSS THOSE CHANGES? -HOW DO YOU ADDRESS MISTAKES AND HOW OFTEN?
BOUNDARIES, AFTERCARE AND LIMITS -IN AN ONGOING RELATIONSHIP, CARE MAY NOT BE INCIDENT-BASED, SO HOW DO YOU MAKE IT AN ONGOING PRACTISE? DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW, WHEN AND HOW FREQUENTLY SOMEONE NEEDS AFTERCARE? WHAT MAKES THEM NEED IT MORE THAN OTHER THINGS? -DO YOU HAVE A GOOD UNDERSTANDING OF THE LIMITS AND BOUNDARIES OF ONE ANOTHER? DO YOU FOLLOW UP ON THEM? HOW DO YOU COMMUNICATE NEW LIMITS? CANYOU? GOVERNING PRINCIPLES -GOOD FAITH ENGAGEMENT -CNC/TPE -SPECIFIC FEATURES OF THE DYNAMIC THAT GOVERN ALL ELSE (IE: THE DEFINITION OF ROLES)
COMMONLY-FACED ISSUES THE FIX MY LIFE PROBLEM THE EVERYTHING ALL TOGETHER ALL AT ONCE PROBLEM THE IT HAS TO LOOK THIS WAY PROBLEM THE SPONTANEITY PROBLEM THE WHOSE EFFORT IS IT ANYWAY PROBLEM
COMMONLY-FACED ISSUES THE INCONVENIENCE IS INSUBORDINATION PROBLEM THE EVERYTHING I DON T GET IS A DEAL-BREAKER PROBLEM THE I M GOING TO BE BETTER PERSON IN JUST THIS SPACE PROBLEM. THE SOCIETY PROBLEM THE COMPARTMENTALIZATION PROBLEM
ESTABLISHING A DYNAMIC A SCENE CAN BE CURATED, BUT A GOOD DYNAMIC IS EXCAVATED. WHAT A ROLE MEANS IS DISTINCT FROM HOW A ROLE LOOKS IN PRACTICE, AND IT IS VITAL TO DELINEATE BOTH. SPENDING TIME AROUND ONE ANOTHER WITHIN A ROLE, BUT OUTSIDE OF THE RIGID STRUCTURE OF A SCENE. SET EXPECTATIONS BASED ON DATA AS OPPOSED TO ASPIRATION. MAKE REALISTIC ASSESSMENTS OF YOUR TIME-COMMITMENT, INTEREST AND AVAILABILITY. ADAPTING RESTORATIVE/AFTERCARE PRACTICES FROM SCENE-BASED PLAY TO DYNAMIC-BASED PLAY.
ESTABLISHING A DYNAMIC ESTABLISHING WHETHER THERE IS AN ON/OFF SWITCH FOR THE DYNAMIC. LEARNING EMOTIONAL ASSOCIATION, RESPONSE AND COMMUNICATION STYLES. ASSESSMENT OF WHETHER YOU CAN HANDLE THINGS. ESTABLISHING A COLLABORATIVE SYSTEM OF COMMUNICATION TO DEVELOP SYSTEMS. ACTIVELY MANAGING FRENZY
MAINTAINING A DYNAMIC SUCCESS SUCCESS HOW DO YOU EVALUATE FOR A "SUCCESSFUL DYNAMIC"? WHAT ARE YOUR METRICS? HOW DO YOU DEFINE THE SEXUAL-ENGAGEMENT COMPONENT OF THAT METRIC? WHOSE INTEREST IN PARAMOUNT? FLUIDITY FLUIDITY HOW FLUID ARE THE ROLES YOU TAKE? IS THERE ROOM FOR GROWTH? WHAT ABOUT CHANGE? PROBLEM PROBLEM- -SOLVING SOLVING WHAT ARE THE EMERGING PATTERNS ON HOW REDRESSAL AND FEEDBACK ARE HANDLED WITHIN THIS DYNAMIC? ASSESSMENT OF REALITY ASSESSMENT OF REALITY DOES YOUR PERCEPTION OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP MATCH ITS FUNCTIONAL REALITY? ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH THE PERSON OR THE ROLE?
MAINTAINING A DYNAMIC DISCOVERY DISCOVERY ARE THE REALIZATIONS YOU HAVE HAD ABOUT YOURSELF AS A FUNCTION OF THE ROLE AS PART OF THIS RELATIONSHIP WELCOME TO HAVE IMPACT ON YOU? THE THINGS YOU LEARN ABOUT YOURSELF, HOW ARE THEY APPLIED TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP? TOXICITY TOXICITY HAS YOUR DYNAMIC UNWITTINGLY BECOME A SPACE WHERE YOU ADDRESS PERSONAL ISSUES OTHERWISE LEFT UNDISCUSSED? ARE THE CONDITIONS OF THE DYNAMIC CAUSING CONTINUING UNHAPPINESS TO ANY PARTY LEADING TO A DETERIORATION OF THE SELF-WORTH, STATE OF MIND OR EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING? PROACTIVE COMMUNICATION PROACTIVE COMMUNICATION WHEN DOES "GOOD COMMUNICATION" TAKE PLACE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP? IS IT ONLY WHEN THERE ARE ISSUES? DO YOU BRING UP UNCOMFORTABLE ISSUES WITHOUT BEING CORNERED? IS THE TRUTH A HAIL MARY OR A DAILY PRAYER?
MAINTAINING A DYNAMIC LARGE GESTURES/SYMBOL LARGE GESTURES/SYMBOL- -EVALUATION EVALUATION WITH THINGS LIKE COLLARING, MARKING OR CONTRACTS, DO YOU STAND IN THE SAME PLACE AS YOUR PARTNER? BOUNDARY EVALUATION BOUNDARY EVALUATION ARE YOUR BOUNDARIES VALUED? ARE YOU AN ACTIVE PARTICIPANT IN THEPUSHING OF YOUR BOUNDARIES? COMPATIBILITY COMPATIBILITY HOW DO YOU ASSESS YOUR COMPATIBILITY? DID THE POINTS OF COMMONALITY CHANGE? WERE YOU PUTTING ON A PERSONA YOU ARE NO LONGER ABLE TO KEEP UP?
MAINTAINING A LONG-TERM DYNAMIC EVALUATING WHETHER YOU ARE ABLE TO PULL THE PLUG WHEN YOU NEED TO. A ROUTINE TURNS INTO A RUT, HOW DO YOU AVOID THAT? AS YOU GROW AND CHANGE AS PEOPLE, DO YOU GROW INTO OR OUT OF A DYNAMIC? WHEN MISTAKES TURN INTO ISSUES, HOW DO YOU HANDLE THEM?
MAINTAINING A LONG-TERM DYNAMIC HOW DO YOU HANDLE THE TRAP OF GOING BACK TO "HOW THINGS USED TO BE"? HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH ACCUMULATED DAMAGE OR CHANGE THAT COMES ABOUT AS A DIRECT RESULT OF THE DYNAMIC? LOVE: HOW DOES IT FACTOR INTO YOUR DYNAMIC? THE ESTABLISHMENT OF INADVERTENT POWER STRUCTURES IS UNAVOIDABLE, HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH THOSE?
COMMUNICATION TECHNIQUES TO SUPPORT YOUR DYNAMIC MICRO-ENGAGEMENT DE-BUGGING YOUR COMMUNICATION "NOT TODAY" SPACES FREE COMMUNICATION PLAY
COMMUNICATION TECHNIQUES EMOTIONAL MEMORY DEVELOPMENT AND ENCOURAGEMENT A LITERAL SPACE OUTSIDE THE DYNAMIC NORMALISING THE EXPRESSION OF UNCOMFORTABLE EMOTIONS (IE: FEAR, NERVOUS, CONFUSION)
CONFLICT MANAGEMENT INVESTIGATING THE IDEA OF BALANCE: WHO ARE YOU AS A PERSON VERSUS WHO ARE YOU WITHIN THE DYNAMIC? DISPELLING THE IDEA THAT THE PERSON ON TOP ALWAYS GETS THEIR WAY: THE LEAD/FOLLOW APPROACH VERSUS CONFLICT AS EQUALS. RESPONSIBILITY VERSUS BLAME AS THE BEDROCK FOR CONFLICT MANAGEMENT CONFLICT FROM THE INTERPLAY OF DYNAMIC ROLES VERSUS OTHER ROLES. CONFLICT FROM LONG-TERM INABILITY TO ADJUST GOALS.
CONFLICT MANAGEMENT IDENTIFYING THE SPHERE IN WHICH THE PROBLEM EXISTS: AM I COMPLAINING AS YOUR SLAVE OR AS YOUR PARTNER? US VERSUS THE PROBLEM OR US VERSUS EACH OTHER? RE-ESTABLISHING CONNECTION POST "UGLY" CONFLICT. ARE YOU ABLE TO REPRESENT YOUR POSITION OR ARE YOU FREQUENTLY HAVING IT EXPLAINED BACK TO YOU? ARE YOUR LIMITS/BOUNDARIES UP FOR AUDITING?
THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND ATTENTION!
