Understanding Emotional Intelligence and Self-Regulation for Personal Growth

From Presence to Purpose Online Program Module 2 Managing our Story

Every emotional experience is not just a psychological experience; it is also a physiological experience Chade Meng Tan

Observer Self The part of us that can observe what is happening both around us, and inside of us. Observer Self is: non-judgemental curious developed through the practice of grounding When developed, allows us to become increasingly self- aware, and then choose our responses.

Key outcomes for today What are beliefs and where do they come from? Discover how your beliefs shape your reality. What are feelings and how do we manage them. The effect of fear on our bodies. Think, Feel, Know. What do you need.

Triune Brain 20-30% Conscious 70-80% Unconscious

Integrity As humans, it is normal behaviour to sometimes not be aligned with our values. The more stressed we are the less aligned we are The reasons are normally: not enough time, not enough money, not enough people. You know if you are not aligned because you feel it. The question is: How do I close the loop?

Self Regulation When we focus our attention on our Body, we can learn to self-regulate When we focus with attention, the brain s physiology changes, allowing us to rest in calmness and clarity. This means we can observe emotions as they arise and we find we have the time to choose our response Self regulation is more than Self Control it is the realisation of, and exercise of CHOICE.

The 5 Keys of EI Self Awareness Self Regulation Connection Purpose Integration

The 4 step process Awareness Acknowledge Does it serve me? Make a new choice

What is Body? Body is the ultimate biofeedback device Comprised of Physical Body and Energetic Body Physical Body senses and feels within and around us Energetic Body also senses, feels and interacts with others constantly. Changes constantly in relation to our feelings and those of others

Why Focus on the Body? Emotions have a measurable physiological response. Emotions are only felt in our Body Makes sense to listen, if we want to know what we are feeling

Why Focus on the Body? Emotions are just energy. They are not us. With Presence, we can observe them without judgement, avoidance or suppression They are telling us of one of 2 things: The story I have going on in my head What is happening around me

You Are What You Think. or Feel Bruce Lipton Cellular Biologist It s not the genes that determine our physiology, dispositions, health it s the cell membrane. Cell membrane regulates passage of substances into and out of the cell It is affected by thoughts, emotions and beliefs. Change those, and we change our genes.

Mechanics of the Biofeedback Machine

Our Body Intelligence Autonomic Nervous System Regulates involuntary bodily functions 2 divisions: Sympathetic Parasympathetic Sympathetic Localised adjustments i.e. sweating, adjusts cardiovascular system Best known stress response Fight, Flight or Freeze When activated, causes secretion of adrenaline and cortisol Healthy in times of direct threat, but unhealthy when we live in this state over a period of time.

Body Intelligence Cont. Parasympathetic Rest and Digest Conserves physical resources When overactive, apathy, inertia and depression can result Stress Overactive sympathetic system Chronic Disease, early aging Shuts down neo-cortex Clarity, problem solving and reflective capacities are shut down.

Beliefs Shape Our Reality Beliefs form and shape the story of your life There are both positive and negative beliefs in anyone s story It is important to be clear about what beliefs exist. Let s look at the limiting beliefs you have.

The Story and Your Part in It The evolution of your life is a story that is constantly unfolding moment by moment. The way we communicate and relate with each other is a part of the unfolding story. You are not only in the story you are the storyteller. Each of you tells a unique part of the story.

The Story How We Sense It Negative Belief Event Positive Belief Negative Reaction Negative Feelings Positive Feelings Positive Reaction

Think, Feel, Know

Think, Feel, Know The thinking part of our mind is our brain which enables us to solve problems given our past experiences The feeling part of our mind is our heart. This aspect is discovered by having awareness around the emotions we are experiencing in each moment. Emotions are energy that informs us of our surroundings based on past experience The knowing part of our mind is our gut. This is the knowing we experience in an embodied way.

Thinking, Feeling, Knowing Think of an issue that you haven t been able to get clear about.

Feelings and Words Decreased activation of amygdala, a part of the brain that triggers the fight/flight response, occurs when feelings are labelled with words Can be challenging to name feelings Marshall Rosenberg, Centre for Non-Violent Communication has developed a list of universal feelings and needs you can download the lists from the website.

What Do You Need? We believe that there are 3 simple phrases that can shift the dynamic in any relationship. This is what I need What do you need? I m here to support you. These three phrases shift the level of engagement from one of expectation to one of clarity of needs. This is vital in achieving a clear and supportive relationships

Closing the loop At any point in time we have many conversations and interactions that may not be clear. It is important to close the loop with these as the more unclear conversations we have, they keep churning in our subconscious. Our body will always tell us when something is not clear. Trust It. Take the time to close the loop each day to clear your mind and support yourself in being more present in the interactions you are having right now. The most important reason to close the loop is your family. They want you to be present when you are with them.

Energetic Presence Our energy field is constantly shifting and changing in relation to our thoughts and feelings It constantly interacts with others It can sense the field of others We bring and are responsible for the energy we bring into a room We push and pull our energy A lot of information can be gained by meeting the other person s field midway.

Daily Practice Continue with Grounding, Reflection and Daily Gratitudes Notice your choices Expand your emotional vocabulary Ask for what you need.

Thank you Up Next: Creating Connection