From Flirting to Freedom: Nurturing Relationships and Communication

Little Foxes From Flirting to Fighting Song 2:15 Catch us the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vines, for our vines have tender grapes.

Making Your Own En Gedi Places - bedrooms, homes, getaway places where a wife and husband can be private, relaxed, make memories and build healthy romantic relationships. - may require budgeting time and money. - allows for Song 1:12-2:7 intimate conversations and activities.

Song 1:12-2:8 - Poetic flirtation that isnot crude or clinical. Men can be more like a microwave, heating things up quickly. Want to be desired. Womencan be more like a crockpot, heating up slowly, staying hot longer. Want to be cherished. Both are fueled sexually by the foreplay of smells (12-14), sights (15,16), tastes (2-5), touches (6) and especially words (8).

Communicating Acceptance - I love you because ___________ - What I most appreciate about you is ______ - The reason I first began to love you is ______ - My favorite memories with you are ______ - What makes you special is _______ - What I look forward to most in our future together is ______ - Thank you for ______

Song 2:3 (She) Like an apple tree among the trees of the woods, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down in his shade with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. It is possible that here we have a faint and delicate reference to an oral genital caress. - OT Scholar, Joseph Dillow, 1973 Commentary

Freedom Questions in a Christian Marriage 1. Receive - Can I receive this act or activity as a gift from God that is not forbidden by His Word or my conscience? 2. Reject - Is this something that neither God s Word nor my conscience can receive? 3. Redeem - Is this something that can be used in a godly way, is an area of biblical freedom (Rom 14; I Cor 8), and that my conscience allows as a gift from God when done rightly? Gal 5:13,14

Receive Reject Redeem Freedom Discussions Positions & Locations Frequency & Intensity Frankness of pillow talk Use of sex toys Role playing Other?

Reckoning with Relationship Seasons Dating (2:7; 3:5; 8:4) Do not stir up or awaken love until it pleases. Not where is the line? , but what is the time? Chastity before marriage. Fidelity withinmarriage Eph 5:3 - no hint of sexual immorality. I Cor 7:1 - no sexual touching. I Tim 5:1,2 - like brothers & sisters with all purity.

Relationship Seasons (Gary Chapman) Spring - excitement, joy, hope, happiness. Feelings of optimism, trust, discovery. Song 2:8 (She) Behold, he comes leaping upon the mountains, skipping upon the hills. 2:11 Winter is past, the rain is over and gone. Newlyweds - Building oneness spiritually, daily, financially, with family, physically.

Summer - fun, deep sense of commitment, cultivation, security, familiarity, complexity. Song 2:12 (He) The flowers appear on the earth; The time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land. 13 The fig tree puts forth her green figs, and the vines with the tender grapes give a good smell. Parenting (no children in S of S) & Careers Competition for time, finances, energy, love.

Fall - external beauty but seeds of decay, sadness, apprehension, resentment, depletion, loneliness, ruts. Empty Nest/Aging Parents - discretionary time/resources available for new adventures! Winter - cold, harsh, bitterness, pessimism, Hopeful Desperation - refuse to lay down and die , seek help from God & godly friends

Trouble in Paradise Song 2:15 (They) Catch us the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vines, for our vines have tender grapes. - vineyards (like marriages) take time to mature. - animals chew the vines near the roots - Foxes are any little thing that gnaws away at your love and enjoyment of each other. - They are the godly, invited, outside observers.

What are some Little Foxes? - poorly constructed marriages with God, spouse, child(ren), work, extended family out of their proper order (Prov 16:7; Matt 6:33). - disorganized budgets, schedules, chores. - unhealed/unforgiven hurts (Heb 12:14,15). - accumulated annoyances (frequent belching, loud snoring, frivolous spending, etc. - Prov 21:9). - distracting, disrupting technology (phones). - unaddressed receive/reject/redeem issues.

Song 3:1 (She) By night on my bed I sought the one I love; I sought him, but I did not find him. 3:2 "I will rise now," I said, and go about the city; In the streets and in the squares I will seek the one I love." I sought him, but I did not find him. From Flirting to Fighting

Addressing Marriage Conflict (Eph 4:25-32) (25) Lies destroy, loving truth (15) restores relationships. (26) Keep your emotions on a tight leash. (27) Guard and reclaim territory from the accuser. (29) Pray for God s power to control your tongue. (30) Remember your silent partner . (31) Six sins to confess immediately. (32) Three qualities to cultivate daily.

Topics for Discussion as a Couple 1 -Do microwave vs crockpot differences, or desire vs cherish needs, or receive/reject/redeem freedom issues need to be tenderly discussed? 2 - Lovingly, kindly, and patiently discuss some of the foxes in your vineyard to which you both need to pay attention. What may happen if they are not addressed? 3 - Are you in need of outside counsel? Who?

Next Time Song of Solomon 3 Wedding Day and Night